After spending fifteen years visiting a nursing home nearly every day for one or more loved ones, I learned a few things. One of them was how to be realistic about the care even the most well-run nursing home can provide, and the other is how to work through the chain of command when you have a legitimate issue with the care provided by the home.

Even a well-run home has issues. Also, families have differing expectations. This is where a reality check, plus a good, respectful relationship with the staff, is exceptionally valuable.

Certified Nursing Assistants

If you feel your loved one is not receiving the proper care, or is not getting the attention you feel is appropriate, by all means chat with the staff. You should do best if you avoid an adversarial approach. You could say something like, “I know Mom can be demanding sometimes, and you have a lot of people to care for, but is there a way we could make sure her call light is answered more quickly?”

The first person to talk with would likely be the hands-on caregiver who is with your mom most often. This would probably be a certified nursing assistant, though sometimes still called a nurse’s aide. These people work hard and give the most direct, non-medical care.

Your loved one may probably find a favorite and may discover that CNAs may have “pets.” Don’t think that just because your mom is difficult at times that she won’t become beloved by one or more of these CNAs. I’ve seen some marvelous relationships happen between residents and their caregivers.

This is typically not a well paid position, though it should be. That gives you all the more reason to give this person your respect. They are working hard for your loved one, often without earning half of what they are worth. If you chat with them on a personal level and are sure you aren’t being unreasonable, but still see no change, then you should talk with the floor nurse or floor supervisor. Again, approach this person in a friendly manner without pre-judging.